The first part of this video sickens me. “Homosexuality is a mental illness”?! Are you fucking serious? Did people actually think like this? Any good that people try to do to convince people that are gay do not a mental illness has somewhat been tarnished by these statements, especially with older people. Yes, I do agree that it was a different time. But that doesn’t take away the fact that what the government and people “higher up in the food chain” were saying was complete bullshit.

I’ve said this in a earlier blog, but I will say this again. When I was 15, I began looking at guys, thinking to myself “hmmm, he’s nice”. I didn’t actually realise I was gay until 2 weeks or so after I started thinking guys were “cute” as I put it back then. When I realised I was gay, I hated myself, I had one or two thoughts on whether the world would be better off without me. I told no-one.

I totally kept this to myself. Do you not think I had enough of a hard time, trying to deal with who I was, who I am? I didn’t need or want someone to jeer me and make fun of me. I was already socially awkward, I didn’t need more pressure, thank you very much. I didn’t even kiss a guy until I was 20. I know! I’m a loser. I never actually came out of the closet. My sister found my phone and began reading SMS messages I was sending to a guy I liked. She told my mam. I still tried to hide it, I wasn’t ready to come out. This had an impact of my relationship with my mam and sister. It felt like they were walking on eggshells around me, being very careful not to say anything about it. I don’t know if they knew I wasn’t ready or what. But I was glad they knew. I didn’t feel so alone. I guess it wasn’t such of a shock when I started dating.

© Getty Images / Doug Berry

Can you still say I “chose” to be gay? If I did have a choice, would I put myself through six years of hating myself, despising every bit of myself, and even having thoughts of suicide? Six years of thinking “I am a piece of shit, I deserve to be dead”.. Would you “choose” this? No, no you fucking wouldn’t. How dare you! How dare you say “I have a choice”. Let me ask you a question; when you starting finding your sexual feelings (for lack of better wording), did you choose to find the opposite gender attractive? No? It just sort of happened, right? It felt good, felt normal for you to feel these “straight” feelings. Am I right?

The absolute truth is; “I am human”, nothing more, nothing less. If you cannot accept that I am a human being, you cannot accept yourself, and that’s where the true misery lies. Luckily, 2012 is a lot different from 1992. A lot of things have changed. Gay people should be treated as equals, because we are. Aren’t we?

Also, if you’re religious and want to bring religion into this, where has your “God” said to harm another human? Your “God” doesn’t.

Homophobic people need to read this (Part 1)

[P.S. I couldn't pick just one title, so I picked three]

I want an intense, romantic, passionate, deep connection with someone who I can talk to, cuddle, kiss, caress, sing to, tickle, play, wrestle, and have sex.

That would be so uber sweet to have someone like that. Wouldn’t it? Of course, love and relationships take time and effort and willingness (I’m using that word a lot recently) to actually want these things. You may think you want these things, but sometimes people just want sex and are leading you on because they want sex from you.

[..] I don’t really give a shit about dating, what clothes people wear, which bar they go to, what their gender is, what TV shows they watch, or any of that bullshit. I’m a transguy. I’ve already dealt with all that shit and it’s not what is important to me.

Exactly, really if you and another person click, nothing else really should matter. I am a total bear/cub chaser (Explanation, number 3). But that doesn’t mean I won’t see if a guy who is all muscular and no hair and myself click. If they’re a bear/cub, well that’s great, but I don’t go out and solely look for a date with a bear/cub. Looks really aren’t everything.

Being yourself is all who you can be.

This time last year, I was a complete asshole. No really, I was. I was consistently moody, depressed, shouting at people who didn’t deserve it. Ugh. I was in a rut, a complete horrible mind-frame where I didn’t want to find myself in and was drowning in a large pool of depressive feelings. But then, something in my head clicked. I felt more relaxed, more at ease. More willing to allow people in my life, listen to them, stop being so “it’s my way, I’m right, you’re wrong”.

© Getty Images

I find it funny, in my last blog, I told S that it’s possible that he didn’t love himself. This is how I felt up to the end of last year. I believed I did love myself and I did. But maybe only myself, which may have been the problem. I was very self-absorbed, not taking other people’s feeling into consideration. An example of this would be when I was out with S and their friend tried to talk to me, and I shut them out completely, because I was too shy. This person thought I was rude. I never realised that. I was rude? Really? Me? That’s not how I’m intended it to seem. Eeeeep.

I’ve learnt a lot in my life up until last year and I was wrong. I’m more than happy to admit that. So this year, it will I want a difference in my life. I’m going to make sure it is. I feel more content with myself. More “adaptable” to the world. I’ve stopped living in my own little bubble. I’m going to focus on being happy, grow more as a person, maybe find the man of my dreams who actually wants to start something with me (wink, wink, lol)

I really want to live my life as well. What I mean by that is, I don’t necessarily want to live in someone’s shadow. I want just to find more of myself. I need to stop trying to have a goal of being  ”the best person in the word”. I need to  just try, slowly and surely to improve things in my life that I want to improve and that needs improving. I think if it’s right and fitting, it should just be easy and flow all into place.

Do you think that you could change something in your life that you are not happy with? How would you personally want to go about that? If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be? I’m changing for the better, I hope.

Once I was a lonely dog,
Just looking for a home.
I had no place to go,
No one to call my own.
I wandered up and down the streets,
in rain, in heat, and snow.
I ate whatever I could find,
I was always on the go.

My skin would itch, my feet were sore,
My body ached with pain,
And no one stopped to give a pat
Or to gently say my name.
I never saw a loving glance,
I was always on the run.
For people thought that hurting me
was really lots of fun.

And then one day I heard a voice
So gentle, kind and sweet,
And arms so soft reached down to me
And took me off my feet.
“No one again will hurt you.”
Was whispered in my ear.
“You’ll have a home to call your own
where you know no fear.”
“You will be dry, you will be warm,
you’ll have enough to eat
And rest assured that when you sleep,
your dreams will all be sweet.”

I was afraid, I must admit,
I’ve lived so long in fear.
I can’t remember when I let
A human come so near.

And as she tended to my wounds
And bathed and brushed my fur
She told me about the rescue group
And what it meant to her.

She said, “We are a circle,
A line that never ends.
And in the center there is you
protected by new friends.”
“And all around you are
the ones who check the pounds,
And those who share their homes
after you’ve been found.”
“And all the other folks
who are searching near and far,
To find the perfect home for you,
where you can be a star.”

She said, “There is a family,
that’s waiting patiently,
and pretty soon we’ll find them,
just you wait and see.”
“And then they’ll join our circle
they’ll help to make it grow,
so there’ll be room for more like you,
who have no place to go.”

I waited very patiently,
The days they came and went.
Today’s the day I thought,
my family will be sent.
Then just when I began to think
it wasn’t meant to be,
there were people standing there,
just gazing down at me.

I knew them in a heartbeat,
I could tell they felt it too.
They said, “We have been waiting
for a special dog like you.”

Now every night I say a prayer
to all the gods that be.
“Thank you for the life I live
and all you’ve given me.
But most of all protect the dogs
in the pound and on the street.
And send a Rescue person
to lift them off their feet.”

- Arlene Pace

Filed under: General Tagged: animal, beat, bleeding, blood, bloody, bruise, cruelty, cuts, dog, DSPCA, humane, lonely, Prevention, RSPCA, society ]]> http://keithblo.gs/2012/01/15/a-lonely-dog/feed/ 0 keithfeeney A man hugging a dog. http://keithblo.gs/2012/01/14/im-not-in-love-its-just-the-phase-that-im-goin-through/ http://keithblo.gs/2012/01/14/im-not-in-love-its-just-the-phase-that-im-goin-through/#comments Sat, 14 Jan 2012 14:45:18 +0000 Keith Feeney http://keithblo.gs/?p=1220 ]]> Yes, the title is an Enrique Iglesias lyric.

I’ve wanted to write this blog post for some time now, for at least 10 days. But, I kept putting it off because I needed to find out how I felt at a certain time in my life, and try to figure it out my feelings toward people.

In March 2010, I started seeing a guy, mostly online, let’s call him A. He is originally from Brazil. We talked and Skype’d almost every day. After a few months, he moved over to Ireland from living in England (don’t judge me, lol). We started dating properly. That feeling I had toward him, I did genuinely think I was in love, I wanted this thing called love. But looking back, I don’t think it was. Well, it was love, to an extent. But there was no mutual, good feelings… uh, this is difficult to explain. There was no deep meaning for our relationship.

© Getty Images (Paper Boat Creative)

It was as if somebody got the two of us and said “be in a relationship” and we both agreed. We never really talked about sex, or what we liked, or in fact, anything of true value. Like I said, I thought this was love, he was my first “love”. We broke up just in late December of the same year.

After this, I was miserably depressed. Losing a first love is heart-breaking, seriously it is. But it builds you, it makes you understand “love” more, and what you need and want in/from a relationship.

Then I started dating S in November 2011, I learnt a lot from being with him. I learnt how I could become more confident. I never knew that being quiet could have be passed of as being ignorant. I did actually feel that I could’ve actually fall in love with him. And being with him did make me feel special, made me actually feel wanted. But I was too “clingy” for him. I’m sorry for texting you and seeing how you were every day?! I’m sorry if you’re stressed, but don’t put that bullshit on me. He texted me saying “it wouldn’t work” So I replied:

You know, if you actually wanted to be with me, you would get excited when I text you. I should “brighten up your day”. I don’t know whether you have issues with loving yourself or not. Lately I feel like you’ve been treating me like a burden. All I was trying to do was see how you were and show a little interest. But don’t worry, I won’t be a burden to you any more. Good luck.

What I said is the truth. I sent that message on the 5 January 2012. So I was single since then.

What I’d really like from being with someone is for them to respect me, even with my numerous flaws, for to have a mutual love-feeling, to enjoy their company as they do mine. I am who I am, I won’t change for anyone. I’m not perfect, nor do I want perfection.

“Keith, can I kiss you? Please? **kisses me**” 10 minutes later: “You’re a great kisser” So are you…

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog has been viewed about 8,000 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

© Nisian Hughes / Getty Images

I really dislike when people always play safe. It’s like; “come on, live a little”. Step out of your comfort zone, stop shying yourself away from these good (and bad) things. It should be all part of life. I really should eat my words here because I’m not as outgoing/talkative as I’d like to be. But I think I’m learning. For me, if I have someone to do things with, well, I feel confident with them and whatever that person wants to do or go and visit, well, it’s different. I don’t think I could do it on my own. I don’t know why. No, let me rephrase that; I don’t think I could do it on my own as I would with someone I know. Like go to clubs, bars & cinemas on my own. I could do it, but I’d feel awkward the whole time. While if I was with someone, it’d be completely different, I’d feel more at ease. Wow, I rambled on a bit. And a little off-topic.

My advice to you is “surround yourself with positive things” and people. Thanks Destiny’s Child. Find good people who you can relate to. If you don’t like something in your life, change it. “I can’t change this thing”, you say. Wrong! You  and only you can change something in your life that you’re not happy with. For example; “I’m not happy with how a certain person treats me.” How can you change that? Talk to someone and see if they can see the things you see in this person. Fix your life and make it work with you instead of against you. Just remove yourself from your comfort zone and see if your life changes for the better or for the worse. It’ll be a great life experience either way. Just, get out and live a little. We’ve only got a short time to live on this Earth.

Dear Haters, if you don’t like my blogs, don’t read them. Simple as that. No-one has a gun to your head screaming “read this motherfucking blog or I will fucking kill you!!” Are they? No. What’s the point? I’m so, so sorry (sarcasm) you’re not happy in your life that you have to try and bring me down. I really don’t care with what you have to say. Really I don’t. Like I said above; “surround [myself] with positive things”, and you’re not being positive, so I just push you out of my life. The only reason why a hater, like you is getting attention is for this simple reason I believe: For every hater, two people are anti-hating, i.e. liking what I’m saying. Everyone has the right to voice their own opinions. But your comments, wherever they may be, are falling on deaf ears. I don’t care with what you have to say unless it’s something positive. Also, I bet you won’t say it to my face, will you? Just hide behind your computer and type bullshit. It’s actually quite amusing to an extent.  I could go on, but I have a life.

Reblogged from Jacobs Take on Life:

If you can watch this video and not want these two to be allowed to get married then there’s something wrong with you.

This video portrays perfectly what it’s like to be in a relationship with some one you care about. It’s not until the end of the video though that you find out the couple is gay. This video is so moving and if  you find yourself still saying homosexuality is unnatural and a sin then, I don’t know what to tell …

This makes my heart melt. It is about love, not gender.

I remember when we first met. I accidentally walked into you while coming out of the supermarket. My shopping and your briefcase fell. We both looked in each other’s eyes, and smiled as we picked everything up. You gave me that awkward smile you do. I handed you some papers and introduced myself. I was going to a friend’s birthday party later that night and invited you because I didn’t really know anyone and didn’t want to go by myself. You said you’d think about it as we exchanged numbers.

Later that night, you showed up at the party and my eyes lit up. Our first dance was to Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance”. Then we had our first kiss. Oh, it was so special. I really enjoyed that night. One of the best nights of my life.

Fast forward a couple of months. I really enjoyed waking up beside you looking at you sleep, and slowly wake up and smile back at me. But something began to change with you. You lost your job. We began arguing a lot. You would stay out late most nights and come home drunk. I offered to help you in whatever way I could, but you refused. I wanted us to talk about it, sort it, fix it, but you would push me aside.

© Frank Herholdt / Getty Images

One night I woke up to you on top of me. I could smell the alcohol on your breath. Whatever made you think this was a good idea, I will never know. You removed my underwear. I said “Stop”, you told me to shut up. You put duct tape over my mouth. My heart began beating heavily and I began to sob. I dared not to move. I could see your police uniform over the chair, your gun was in your belt. I tried to scream to no avail.  I could hear my muffled screams telling you to stop, but you heard nothing. You were sweating heavily. I was convinced you were on some sort of drugs. You eyes couldn’t focus. You started. I looked out the window as you raped me. I was crying, trying to take my mind away from where I was. I could hear the traffic on the street and the odd drunken shout here and there. I looked at the moon, begging for you to stop. You didn’t.

You climaxed. I could feel your movements becoming slower. Your eyes looked really heavy. You fell asleep on top of me. I wait for what felt like a lifetime before I moved. I pushed you off me to the other side of the bed. I removed the duct tape. I grabbed your gun, took off the safety and aimed it at you. My hand was shaking so badly. I fell to my knees and began crying again as I dropped your gun.

I went to the wardrobe and took out your sports bag. I emptied your stuff onto the floor and began packing all my clothes. I got dressed. On the dressing table, there was a photo of us taken last Christmas. We were so happy. I dropped the photo to the floor and smashed it with my shoe. I went downstairs. I was about to leave when I heard whining. My 4-year-old German Sheppard heard me, and came over to me on the stairs. We sat there for a few mins as I cried asking myself what I had done wrong. Rex laid his head on my lap. “Come on Rex, let’s go. There’s nothing left for us here”. We got into my car and drove away. We spent the night at my brother’s house.

You’ve finished your drinks in the bar. You help her put on her jacket. You put on yours. I just hope you treat her right. I hope you don’t break her heart, like you did mine.

(This story is fictitious)

© sodapix sodapix / Getty Images

I really think all, yes, all Christmas-related adverts, etc should be banned until December 1st. “Christmas” and any word that symbolises Christmas should all be banned until December. I will admit though, they are trying, well, at least some companies are. They’ve used words like “Great for a holiday gift”, etc.

I don’t like Christmas. It’s because my father walked out on my family and me, 2-3 weeks before Christmas when I was just 10 years old. Also, I just wish that Christmas was more family related, more happier and remove the commercial side of it entirely. Spend €10 on one person max. You shouldn’t have to buy love from people.

Yes, I don’t want any Christmas gifts, because like in this photo, I will be putting them in the toilet (or I’ll give them all to charity).

~

Random phrase this blog post: “I think moaning is good for you”. (An Idiot Abroad 2 – ep6)